Being the mother of two daughters has made me acutely aware of the messages our girls receive about who they are, what they should look like and where they can go in life. Back when Olivia was very young, it was easy to control the message. With a simple click of the TV remote or a firm, “No,” at the toy store, we could shut out any negative ideas that threatened to infiltrate the protective cocoon we were weaving around her.

Now, at almost seven years old, Olivia is just starting to spread her beautiful but fragile wings. I watch with awe and angst as she processes everything she sees and hears, sometimes taking more of it to heart than I would like. In the comments she makes, it is easy to see that our society’s obsession with fabulous hair and thin bodies and perfect features is already worming its way into my little girl’s head no matter how much we try to keep it at bay.

This past winter she absolutely hated her coat because she said it made her look “puffy,” something she certainly didn’t hear from anyone at our house but that I’m sure she didn’t come up with on her on. Someone somewhere has already convinced her that she should never look “puffy,” despite the fact that she doesn’t weigh 60 pounds soaking wet.

She wants glitter and glamour and possibly a nose ring. While none of that may be unusual in a typical little girl, what is unsettling is the fact that for many very young girls, sex appeal – on a level that once would have been considered too risqué for teen-agers and even young women -- has become accepted, and in some cases even encouraged, among girls just out of preschool.

In our global village, with its instant gratification and instantaneous communication, it seems that sugar and spice and everything nice have given way to sleazy and mean and whatever is in between. Sex is being used to sell clothing and toys and music and more to girls as young as five.

A recent study by the American Psychological Association said that this “sexualization” of girls is damaging and can lead to self-esteem problems, depression, eating disorders, and unhealthy development, and yet society keeps on pushing the envelope.

More than one mother has reported finding thong underwear for girls as young as six in major department stores, one pair with a “sexy” tag on it. No 6-year-old walks into the mall and buys herself a pair of thong underwear, so somewhere along the line parents have bought into the notion that sex appeal is an endearing quality in a first-grader.

If you think I’m exaggerating this idea of sexualization, just go to any toy store and look for the Bratz dolls. Marketed to very young girls, these dolls have giant, overly made up lips and eyes and clothing verging on obscene. Quite frankly, all they’re missing is a pole and a stage name. Bratz make Barbie look like a quaint little wallflower.

I have thrown away Bratz dolls that Olivia received as birthday gifts. I have refused to buy girl-sized high heels that look more appropriate for a Victoria’s Secret catalog than for church on Sunday morning. I have turned off music and TV shows that send the wrong message.

But being a buffer zone for our kids has to be about more than saying, “No,” to what’s bad. We have to say, “Yes,” to what’s good, and we have to talk to our girls – and our boys – and remind them again and again that what they see in advertisements and in magazines and on TV is the stuff of make believe. Real people don’t look like that. Everyone isn’t doing it. Girls are not objects.

We cannot hope to give our girls equality and confidence and independence if for even one minute we let them think that who they are is all about what they look like and how far they’re willing to go to please someone else.

2008 Copyright Mary DeTurris Poust. All Rights Reserved.